My Pain Alone
by CrazyGohanGurl
Summary: The title says it all. Gohan hides his secrets and Videl wants to open them. Will Videl make Gohan open up, or will Gohan keep his doors closed?


My Pain Alone  
  
Disclaimer Yeah, see my pervious disclaimers in the past.  
  
Work is being a pain so a nice depressing story usually helps. This one I had in my mind for a while, a couple months actually and I have to be in a depressed mood in order to write it. If I have caffeine then it doesn't have the same angst effect.  
  
Videl only watched Gohan as he sat alone on a cliff. He has been missing for a few days, but Videl knew of his whereabouts. She didn't want to disturb him. She knew that disturbing him would make matters worse, and make him run farther away. So watching Gohan from a distance was the only way she knew he was safe.  
  
Gohan was fine a few days ago. He was smiling, laughing, and being his cheerful self. Before Videl knew it, Gohan ran away from home. No note, no reason, nothing to explain about his disappearance. He just left.  
  
Videl peeked through the bush as she found her boyfriend still sitting there. His eyes were dark and seemed fixed on a certain object. He was sitting on a bolder, with one knee up and bent while the other dangling off the edge. His one arm was on his knee while the other laid motionless on his lap. He was leaning back on a dead tree staring at nothing.  
  
Videl found him a day ago, and he hasn't moved an inch from yesterday. He was in the same position, same clothes, same blank stare. Videl could almost believe that Gohan never blinked.  
  
Rain poured down on the two teenagers as the both sat there in wonder. Videl wondered what was wrong with Gohan while Gohan let his mind wonder. She could never understand him and his actions. He always seemed so close, and at the same time so distant. She could never read him like she could read her friends. In his eyes told the pain that he went through, but hid it every time someone tried to read him.  
  
Videl couldn't take it anymore. She just couldn't watch from a distance like a bird watcher; she needed to get Gohan back home. He was going to get sick from the weather. Ever since he left all it did was rain. She could tell that he's been sitting in the same spot for days. She could vaguely see part of the tree dry.  
  
With some hesitation, Videl came out of the bushes and walked towards Gohan. He didn't notice her. Videl thought he would since she actually fell out from the bushes, and landed with a thump! But alas, Gohan still didn't even notice her standing right in front of him.  
  
"Gohan," Videl whispered as she bent down in front of the rock. She placed her hands on his dangling leg, and rested her head on her hands. "Please tell me what's wrong. You've been missing for a few days and everyone is getting worried. Please Gohan, speak to me."  
  
Gohan sat there not looking down at Videl. Tears began to form in her eyes as the person she loved the most ignored her plea.  
  
"Please Gohan! You're worrying me! Please say anything!"  
  
Videl cried on his thigh. Gohan looked down at her and placed his hand on her head. She slowly lifted up her head to see the emptiness inside of Gohan's eyes. She could tell something was really bothering him, and he hid it inside himself for so many years.  
  
"Videl," he said in an emotionless voice. Videl choked a sob. She never seen him, or heard his voice, become so emotionless.  
  
"How can you live life like this," Videl yelled with more tears falling down her face. "What can you be hiding that's making you so...so...empty?!"  
  
Gohan merely looked at her before lifting up his head to stare at nothing once more.  
  
"That's just me Videl," Gohan said as he shut his eyes. "I like to keep things to myself."  
  
"It's not safe," Videl cried. Gohan could feel her warm tears through the cold rain.  
  
"I know."  
  
"Then why?"  
  
"I feel safer," Gohan answered. "I don't want anyone to know how I feel. People are always nagging me to open up more. If I open up then I'll be hurting myself."  
  
"How," Videl asked looking up at Gohan. "How are you going to be hurting yourself? You'll be helping yourself if you tell how you feel...you can heal yourself if you-"  
  
"I will be causing myself pain. I will be sharing my pain with someone else, and then they will have to suffer with me. I want to suffer alone and not be dragging anyone one else with me!"  
  
Thunder roared as lightening struck. Gohan looked down at Videl with rain on his face. Videl could tell if he was crying, or if it was the rain staining his face.  
  
"Are you crying?"  
  
"Crying shows weakness," Gohan shouted over the thunder. Even though he looked Videl straight in the eyes, she could clearly see the tears building up and falling freely down his pale cheeks. In his eyes she could see the truth that he kept away from others.  
  
"I want to share your pain," Videl said drying a few tears away from his face. "I don't care if I have to suffer with you! I love you Gohan! No matter what you do, what you say, or what has happened to you...I will always be here for you! Please Gohan...open up to me!"  
  
Lightening lit up the area. Videl's crying was hidden beneath the roaring thunder. She looked up at Gohan with pity in her eyes; he looked away.  
  
"I don't want your pity," Gohan said. "I don't want to share my pain either. I love you too Videl, but some things are to remain under wraps. Please understand that."  
  
"But Gohan-"  
  
Gohan looked down at her and lifted up her head with his hand. His secrets were well hidden deep in his black eyes, and they were locked with a key. Only he knew where the key was, and he hid it with his secrets.  
  
Videl gave up. There was just no way to get through him, and no way to heal him.  
  
"Videl...this is my pain...and my pain alone."  
  
Okay, I feel better now. No squeal, just a one shot thing. Please review. 


End file.
